Visions of Suagarplums

My PIC(Missy) did a blog about men and dating today. I can relate to every word she wrote. Why does it have to be so flippin hard? Feast or famine she wrote...aint that the freakin truth. It seems when you are with someone men come out of the woodwork and show interest. On the days your not seeing someone and sitting on the porch talkin to your glass of Wine, there's not a male for miles. They say women are complicated..I don't think so! Men wrote the book on complicated! I love you but...I just don't know if I'm ready...You deserve someone better...blah blah blah. In other words your great but I think there just may be something better out there. Here is a little secret~we are good bitches! If you don't want us to be your bitch, there's plenty of others that do! And when you look back and say "I shoulda married her" you will be absolutely correct! Its not that hard people!!! Grow some hair, make a decision and go for it! Maybe someday we will all figure it out......

Distracted....

I don't know why but I just cant seen to focus the last few days. I have a mound of paperwork to finish and studying to do. Am I doing either? Hell no! Am I getting any sleep? Hell no! Again my mind is wondering to places that it shouldn't and not turning off at night. When will it end? Some will be over in May when I am finally done with nursing school:) MAKE IT STOP! I am so tired of wondering and waiting. A friend said to me "People only treat you the way you allow them to treat you". It really made me mad when he said that-but as I thought about it I realized he is exactly right. I love and trust this person completely-why cant he be the one? I think he has seen more tears and given more hugs to me than my ex-husband:) I just don't see him that way:( Why cant we control our hearts? Yes, there are days when I tell myself how pathetic I am! Get over him, you know deep down he will never be what you want him to be! I guess I'll just have to keep doctoring my heart while I'm just trying to figure it out....

Good Times.....

What a great weekend! I spent yesterday Easter shopping with the kids then went out with my friends. I have several groups of friends that truly are very different from each other. Somehow most of these friends have all become friends of each other on Facebook. They may not have ever spoken to each other in person but have bantered and teased through text. When all was said and done, there was a group of 17 of us. I even met a friend for the first time in person. It was so much fun watching all these people grow their friendships and have a good time. Now, about that damn Bull!! I rode that thing some ** years again and did pretty damn good.....not so last night! I don't think I lasted 8 seconds:) Nothing got hurt other than my pride! My sister, cousin and PIC(Missy) all rode it and did just as poorly. We are middle aged, what the hell were we thinking? We were thinking exactly what we are always thinking....."What the hell, lets do it!" lmao. The night ended with laughs, hugs, kisses and lasting memories. Today brought an array of bantering on FB and comments of what a great time it was and how we must all do it again soon. Tonight I headed to my brothers for a BBQ. By the end of the night we were all laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes. At one point I could not catch my breath:)Fun times like this and the happy afterglow make it so much easier to face those days when its not so much fun. I hope to continue these happy times while Im just trying to figure it out.....

Margaritaville

Do you ever visit Margaritaville? Or land of the Deathstar? Or Kamikazeville? I find myself visiting these places more and more ofter. Once I get there I feel all warm and tingly...but after a few hours, I start to feel everything I traveled to these places to forget. Me and a good friend have traveled to these places several times recently both hoping to escape. We usually find a small period of time that nothing matters then all hell breaks loose. By morning we are still trying to forget AND have a headache! You would think a nice trip would help with a good nights sleep. Oh absolutely NOT! If I ever run into the Sandman you can be sure Im gonna be kickin his ass. How do you turn off your mind? How do you stop replaying things said or imagining things that could be said? Where is that magic switch or potion? I guess I'll keep trying different combination's while I'm trying to figure it out.........

So....Im not sure if I should just jump right in or slowly walk in. If you know me, you know I'm jumping in. Today is a day that I'm feeling a little spunky! I enjoy the bantering I have with some friends on Facebook and love the time spent with them. It seems I can always log out with a smile on my face:) I cant quit thinking of Chris. He has worked his way into my heart. The bummer is he doesn't know how far into my heart I have let him. There was only one man in my heart for 22 years and somehow this guy touched me, I want to make life better for him and show him what a true relationship can be like. Its scary feeling this way about someone again. How do I tell him I think we would be great together? It seems we all want that special relationship and someone to share life with....so why oh why does it have to be so freakin hard to get to that point? One day I'll spill it and hang on..........

Today

This is my first official blog. I think I will start by explaining why I chose to blog. They say it is therapeutic to write down your feelings. I tend to agree. It seems that no matter how much you love and trust a person you still hold back saying all that you feel for fear of being judged. Here I will never know what or when things were read. Does anyone really know the real me? I think people have a pretty good clue as to who and what I am but there is still a little part of me that will forever be tucked away safe and sound as to never be hurt. I'm just a simple girl living a simple life trying to figure it out.........