Thought it was time to put my thoughts in writing again so here goes…
I was recently told that I have bitterness toward men and it has started to affect other parts of my life and is very apparent to the naked eye! I disagree, I think I'm just a cautious realist! I have written several times about the wonderful women in my life so today I will do the same for the wonderful men that have come and gone from my life.
Dad, my hero! Your words of encouragement, unconditional acceptance of who I am and your safety net hugs helped me to become the person I am today! Thank you for allowing me to find my own path and catching me when I fell. I miss you every day of my life!
My brothers:
Chris, as big brothers go, you are pretty awesome. You never say much but when you do its wise words. You’re not afraid to tell me to pull my head out of my ass or to get over myself. Your practical joke always leave me smiling and usually with flesh wounds. Lol
Scott, you try to act such a bad ass but you always melt when it comes to your sisters. Thanks for all the times you snuck me out and let me “hang” with the older crowd. You introduced me to the wild side of life while keeping a protective arm around me the whole time!
Shawn, who ever thought during all those years of you tormenting me that we would be this close as adults? The secrets we share with each other and the knowledge of knowing my deepest darkest secrets are safe with you gives a sense of security that warms my heart. Your tender loving hugs come close those of Dads!!
David, you are the first person to awaken my motherly instinct. You were so tiny and fragile when you were young that I always felt a need to protect you. We have so much fun no matter what we are doing. You build my confidence and support my crazy ideas. You are a great role model to my children and I thank you for that!
Men of my heart:
Ricky, you gave me my first kiss! And 2nd, 3rd, 4th……You introduced me to butterflies in the stomach.
Bryan, oh, this is a big one! You made me feel special! You whispered such sweet words in my ear! You were my first love, lover and first heartbreak:( You awakened feelings and senses that have lasted throughout the years. I am so glad we are still in touch and on a friendly basis.
Brad, my first adult love. You taught me what a real relationship was all about. We experienced many great adventures together. You were my first “what if” relationship. We parted in haste and immediately felt regret. You came back into my life at a time when I needed you the most. Thank you for still being here and loving who I have become.
Kevin, there was a time you were the love of my life. You introduced me to passion, commitment, adventure and family life. You gave me the 2 greatest kids anyone could ever ask for. You made me feel beautiful even at my worse! I grew into a confident outgoing woman with you by my side. To this day you still proclaim your love and compliment my mothering skills. I grew in a different direction and you were a casualty of my decisions. Thank you for letting me experience love, trust, commitment, motherhood and family!
Chris, you let me know I am able to love again! You awakened feelings I never thought I would feel again. You helped me find my courage again. You made me strong in ways you will never understand. You let me again see the tender side of a man.
Zack, you allowed me to be the crazy Mom that I am! You allowed me to teach you the skills to become the confident, strong, sensitive, tender gentleman every woman dreams of. You encourage me to be the best I can be! I'm so proud of you son!!
Do I still love these men? I will always have a little love in my heart for all of them; they all brought something to my life. Do I regret the relationships? Hell no! They helped me get to where I am today. Am I lonely? Sometimes. Do I miss having someone to just sit and hold hands with? I do. Am I looking forward to a hot, passionate, torrid love affair? Oh HELL YES! Am I actively looking for a relationship? No, I'm happy working on me and my wants right now while having a little fun with friends. Will I ever love again? Only time will tell. Until then, I’m loving life while I’m just trying to figure it out!!!!
