Saturday, February 26, 2011

Always worth it!

As a mother I do everything I can to try and set an example for my children. I try to teach them right from wrong and good from bad. I teach them to share and have compassion for those in need. I teach them to not judge no matter how hard it may be. I assure them that even though we go through good times and bad that things will always work out. What I didn’t realize was the influence my relationships have had on my children.

I have some friendships that are decades old and stronger than ever. I have made new friendships that are almost as strong. I see in my children that they have learned the importance of making and keeping great friendships. Both kids have longtime friendships and newer ones. It makes me proud that they saw these in me and understood their importance. I would be nowhere without the support I have received from these wonderful people!

I learned something today from my daughter. ALL my relationships have had an influence on her. She has told me she is scared to date and maybe start a relationship. After watching my failed marriage and subsequent relationship and those of other family members she doesn’t want to experience the hurt she has seen her loved ones and friends go through.

This revelation broke my heart. Sara is a beautiful, funny, compassionate young woman with the world at her fingertips. She has so much to offer the right guy. She needs to understand there is no guarantee things will last forever but that shouldn’t stop you from making lasting memories in the mean time.

Yes, unfortunately after 22 years of starting a family and many life experiences I chose to end my marriage. Just because it ended doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it. I gained 2 extraordinary children and years of happiness. I had years of feeling like the luckiest most beautiful woman in the world. I learned to trust and to not trust. I grew in ways that are immeasurable. I had years of experiencing what it took to sustain a relationship. Yes it hurt when it was over and it took 3 years before I opened my heart again. My girl watched the myriad of feelings I encountered and the eventual hurt that decision caused. It may have hurt in the end but I don’t regret one minute of it. I got to love someone and let them feel love. How could that not be wonderful? I had some wonderful times and made lasting memories.

Love doesn’t come with guarantees! It is the scariest yet most powerful feeling anyone will ever experience. You will NEVER in any other situation feel such ecstasy and pain all rolled into one! As my P.I.C once said to me “You cant have the rainbow without a little rain!” Please don’t be scared my baby girl!!! Its so worth all you could ever imagine and more Sara :):)

Maybe we can help each other along as we are just trying to figure it out……..

Saturday, February 19, 2011

~ This and That ~

Have the need to purge – nothing in particular but everything in general. Might get ugly so hang on and enjoy the ride =)

I am who I am! If you don’t love all of me, you don’t deserve any of me! The door is right behind you.
I love my kids more than words can describe!!!
I am so over the price of gas!
I love when I get butterflies in my stomach.
I enjoy receiving and performing practical jokes =)
I don’t always do what I’m suppose to.
I love a good summer storm!!
I love driving fast and singing at the top of my lungs.
I love the smell of a freshly showered man.
I love letting my hair blow in the wind.
I am SOOO looking forward to fishing this year!
I will always protect the underdog.
And just for Shay Shay, I am Legend. lol

The fastest way to piss me off is say something derogatory about my children or family. I regret not being more aggressive in pursuing what I want. I wish I could just DO IT!! I struggle to overcome the insecurities burned in my soul from the lies those that I trusted and loved told. I miss that feeling of familiarity. I’ve learned that holding grudges just rob you of your energy and making new memories. It took me 20 years to find the perfect perfume smell for me and only family members know what it is because I don’t want anyone else to wear it!! I smell beautifully unique and I'm not gonna share it! As much as I bitch about my ex-husband, I will always love him for helping me get the 2 greatest things I ever did! Sometimes in the middle of the night I take turns standing and watching my kids sleep ~ god their beautiful!

I hate it when people can’t make up their minds. I hate judgmental people. I hate hearing the same story over and over and over again!!I hate that I can’t make everything better for my loved ones. I hate when friendships have to end =( And why oh why can’t I get that smile out of my head? Sometimes I wish the right thing was what I wanted for a change.

Oh I feel much better. Now I can concentrate on just trying to figure it out =)