Saturday, July 31, 2010

The simple things in life

The simple things in life~ Are you like me, so busy is your day to day life that you forget how much joy the simplest of things make you? Laying in bed the other night listening to the waterfall I also heard the crickets. I haven’t fallen asleep to the sound of crickets in years. I felt so relaxed and calm just listening to those sounds. The simple sound of my daughter laughing or my son saying “I love you Mom”. Its nothing out of the ordinary but it gives me such pleasure. Holding hands~ahh it’s a simple action but one that can crinkle my toes! The sound of rain hitting the roof or my window, the smell of a summer rainstorm. And what about that beautiful rainbow after the storm? Watching a Hummingbird drink from a feeder, the smell of puppies breath, my Dads hug. There really is nothing special about these things but the feeling I am left with is one of joy and comfort. Breakfast in the Canyons, lunch with my best friend or my sister calling just to say “I love ya sis.” The simplest task or action can make me feel so warm and fuzzy. When did I lose sight of that? I think its time I slowed down and spent more time with the simple things. Looks like the fishing pond will be a great place to be while I’m just trying to figure it out…..

Friday, July 23, 2010

Second Hand Cougar

Damaged goods……. My sister and my PIC have both stated this is what we are. Yes we are all single. In the relationship area we have some minor issues. There are some things that we are scared of, won’t accept, can’t forget and are down right confused about. This constitutes us being damaged? Show me a person that has not been affect by their past and I will give you a million dollars. Being hurt, lied to, cheated on, abused, used and degraded by someone that proclaims their love and trust is bound to leave a few scars! I don’t like being labeled as “Damaged Goods”! I will admit I no longer trust the opposite sex, I still have a heart that can’t believe he could be so cruel. And well quite truthfully I don’t think I will ever allow a relationship of more than friends with benefits to ever take place. I just can’t leave myself open to that kind of hurt again. Am I damaged? No, I am the result of life experiences. Am I all shiny and new? Am I full of innocent hope for the fairytale ending? Do I still believe in magic? I believe there is a chance two people can find happiness with each other and live very fulfilled lives. No I am not all shiny and new, I am the result of life experiences that did not live up to the fairytale ending I had hoped for……I guess you could say that instead of “Damaged Goods” I am just a Second Hand Cougar. Lol! I think I like that a whole lot better!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Its me.......

Hi, it’s me…… exactly who is me? How well do you really know me? Do we ever really know another? For those that do know me you know that I am very nosy and curious. I get to know people pretty well by asking non stop questions. If I want to know something, I ask~ even if it is none of my business. Face it; I just want to know:) Robert calls me the “Interrogator” because I don’t stop until I get my answers:) I love people ~ all people. Sometimes I just sit and people watch. People’s histories fascinate the hell out of me. Its fun to learn what journey brought a person to where they are. Do you ever look at a person and automatically judge just by their appearance? I have. Not proud of the fact but I have. So how many people have judged me by my appearance? Well I say “I am more than you know and more than you will ever know, simply because you never took the time to know.” By Rocky Williams. How many have not bothered to look beyond my tough exterior to see the tender heart that lies inside? How many have never noticed the tears that have fallen when someone I love is hurting and I can’t fix it? How many have walked away because I scared them with the truth? Does anyone know that this tough girl cries herself to sleep more often than not? What do you see when you look at me? Do you see the friend in me that will sacrifice whatever it takes to help in your time of need? Do you see the mother that has dedicated the last 21 years to guiding her children to be the best they can possibly be? Do you see the woman that will love and protect with everything that is in me? Have you ever taken the time to just sit and ask someone “how are ya? Is there anything you need?” This is who I am and what I do. I love with a passion, and I hurt with that same passion! Take the time to get to know someone~it may lead you to a friendship that is priceless. I will continue to love, protect, watch and ask my questions while I’m just trying to figure it out…….

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Home Sweet Home

I am finally saying goodbye to apartment life and moving into a home! Boy what a year of changes this has been. I have spent the weekend painting our new home. It is so exciting that Sara and Zack finally get to have the rooms they have always wanted. Sara with her pink and brown girly room, me with my lipstick red wall and Marilyn theme. Zackman still isn’t sure exactly what he wants so white walls it is. My kitchen is red and white and the front room is no longer green. The pond is clean and the waterfall is running. I can open my bedroom window and hear the sounds of the waterfall~simply heaven I tell ya! I can again grow houseplants and weed the garden. What a pleasure it will be to not have Zack and guest hunt for a parking spot!!! No more stomping, yelling, smoking neighbors! (above or below me at least! Lol) I am looking forward to decorating the rest of the rooms and finishing the movie room downstairs. The holidays are gonna be so much fun to decorate for this year!! I have to say this accomplishment coupled with receiving my RN is a great feeling. Thank you to the wonderful friends that are always there willing to indulge me in my crazy ideas….(even when they think I’m nuts:}) Now I can sit in the swing on my porch and listen to the calming sounds of the waterfall as I’m just trying to figure it out………..

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I thought I was done with school.......

I am going to start this post by stating the obvious….I am a AWFUL driver. Yes I admit it freely! I am easily distracted, I sing, I do a little danc:), I study, do paperwork, eat, program my GPS, talk and yes, god save me I text!!!! But what I really like to do is drive REALLY REALLY FAST!!!! So how is it that with this special talent I wind up with a job that has me driving all day long? Oh ya, I am also an insomniac. Not quite sure why the sandman is so mad at me. Was it something I said? lmao . There is only so much you can do in the middle of the night! I have looked at every vacation package possible online, cant clean or I’ll wake Sara and Zack. Facebook just isn’t the same for me anymore and crossword puzzles are no longer a challenge. So that leaves driving:) Most of the time when I am driving I have somewhere that I have to be or am short on time. At night there is nowhere I have to be and no one to answer to. I get in my car, turn the radio up loud, roll down the windows, let my hair blow in the breeze and hit the freeway. I never know where I am going or where I will end. I drive really fast and go really far. Tonight I wound up in the beautiful Park City. I didn’t realize how fun that Canyon drive is at night. There is nothing that relaxes me or clears my mind better than these drives. I generally take these drives 4-7 times a week. In all this time I have never been pulled over…. again, these drives are done at high speeds. No it is always when I least expect it that Mr. Law comes calling. That’s right, I got another speeding ticket on my way to work. I’m not saying I wasn’t speeding, Im just saying it pisses me off. I thought I was finally through with school…nooooo traffic school here I come. I need to clear some points off my record:) Is the $45 and 2 hours of my time worth the pleasure those drives give me? That’s actually something I HAVE figured out………HELL YES!!!!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Minds Eye

Plan: A scheme, program, or method worked out beforehand for the accomplishment of an objective, a proposed or tentative project or course of action.

My thought of the day, it may be worth something it may be worth nothing! I’ve been having a struggle in my mind of how I came to be where I am in life. For the most part, I honestly have a good life. I have 2 beautiful children that make me want to be the best me I can possible be, I have a job I love doing, I have the best friends a girl could ask for and I have a family that loves and supports me despite my flaws:) But by looking forward I think the worst mistake I’ve ever made or anyone can make, was planning my life! I think some of the bad moments would not have been as bad if I hadn’t had them "set" in my minds eye of how I thought it was suppose to work out. Have you ever not fully enjoyed a good outcome simply because it was not the outcome you planned?
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you should not set a goal that’s something completely different. I just think that a lot of the disappointments we feel in the outcome of situations come more from the image of how we want something rather than the fact of it not working out. This is not a negative statement, it’s simply an observation. I have even forced certain things or given them a helping hand and they worked out great, just not how I pictured them to be. Maybe I over think things, maybe I just need a good night’s sleep, maybe the fumes finally got to me (just kidding) who knows? Gives me something to think about while I’m just trying to figure it out……………