His smell........

Today I actually thought I was going to have a good day. I thought I had cried all the tears I was gonna cry! I am sure by now those tear ducts must have run dry! Well, think again! I kept myself busy the whole day, I moved patients from Friday to today, just so I stayed busy. My good friends call or text all day to see how I am and if there is anything they can do. They all say the same thing "He is a piece of shit and you deserve so much better Marianne." As mad and as hurt as I am, I really SHOULD agree but I don't. I miss him! Agreed the way he went about things was extremely cruel and hurtful to say the least!!!! But there was something about him that drew me to him and made me fall in love with him. I got to see parts of him that others didn't. He shared alot of his secrets with me. The truth of the matter is it is not his fault he couldn't love me, it just is what it is. As a wise friend has reminded me, you cant make someone love you..... So, Kim, Lilli and myself head to the mall for our nightly walking and I decide that with the new thinner me I am getting to be I also need a new fragrance. We go into Dillards and finally settle on something I think is suitable for this spunky 40 something year old. Lilli was good so we said she could sit in the front seat of the car with the big girls. As I am cleaning out the armrest to lift it up so Lilli can sit in the middle, I found a perfume sample. I open it to see what it is and get some on my fingers. Yup, it was a sample of True Religion I had gotten to smell when I was missin him~ its his smell and sexy as hell!! Well, that ended my dry spell, the tears haven't stopped since! There is nothing he could do or say that could ever take away how deeply he hurt me and how cruel he was. But that still doesn't stop me from missing the person I fell in love with. From wishin things were different, wishing he would just call and say "I miss you lets do lunch." This one sure as hell is gonna take a long time to figure out.........